On Loving More
By Brendon Burchard
Founder, Experts Academy, and author of Life’s Golden Ticket
My wife Denise has taught me a lot about love.
We married in June 2008 after dating for five years. I’ve always been slow.
One year later, there’s nothing slow about our lives. My business — helping others find and share their voices — has quadrupled. We’ve moved to Portland. Denise has left her old job and is opening a new business herself. I became an uncle. My family lost our beloved father.
It’s been a remarkable year, as trying and exciting and sad and happy as any other of my life.
Through it all, I’ve been blessed to have Denise by my side. She is the kind of woman who makes you feel like the center of the world, like everything is joyous, like it’s all okay, like you are so lucky to be alive.
Denise has taught me a lot about love and I thought I’d share it with you here. Why?
Saint Francis of Assisi said where there is hatred we must sow love. So in a time when our media is fixated on showing the most uncivil and unremarkable people vying for attention for their extreme and marginalizing agendas, I say let’s all light this world with love.
We need it. Our children need it.
With that in mind, here are three keys to cultivating more love in your relationships, which I’ve learned from Denise.
(If you’re not in a relationship, and want to find your kindred spirit, see our friends at Soulmates. They help people find people like us: those searching for depth, meaning, consciousness, and life-long learning).
3 Keys to Cultivating Love
– 1. Be More Present –
Jesse Jackson said that the youth of today need our presence, not our presents. I’ve learned the same from Denise about anyone we love. Being present means being in the moment with your loved ones, not distracted by to-dos, TVs or passing thoughts.
I’ve learned that giving full attention to the moment and the one you’re with is the fastest way to ignite spontaneity, understanding, and attraction in a relationship.
To be present:
1. Focus your entire being on on your loved one,
2. Open yourself to their experience without judgment,
3. Exude appreciation and vibrancy, and
4. Don’t let distraction break the connection.
– 2. Be More Patient –
Patience is the only path to understanding, even if it’s a more meandering path than we often wish it to be.
Almost all conflict arises out of stress, and stress most often arises from hurry. “Hurry less, listen more” is great advice for curing conflict and building depth in relationships.
Being patient enough to hear (and understand) someone’s viewpoint and feedback is a lost art.
Next time you’re with your loved one, show patience by:
1. Being fully present and not interrupting their statements.
2. Asking more questions.
2. Waiting longer after they speak to share your own perspective.
3. Asking yourself, “Does this person, who I love deeply, feel heard and appreciated in this moment?”
– 3. Be More Purposeful –
Most people barrel through their relationships haphazardly – without much intention given to creating a remarkable relationship.
Denise has taught me to focus on our relationship and think about building it as much as I do my business or any other area of our lives. She clearly takes the time to think about our relationship and how to make it, us, great.
Creating great relationships and cultivating real love starts with deciding to do so. That’s what I mean by being purposeful.
These days I often find myself thinking, “How can I bring even more joy and adoration to my loved ones?” I’m quite sure this question is inspired by my wife asking herself the same question.
At the end of our lives, we will readily remember what kind of relationships we created.
Did we live and love purposefully to create vibrant, joyous, and deeply caring and connected relationships?
Or did we forget to consistently find and exude love in all our busyness?
I hope these quick lessons — be more present, patient and purposeful — serve you in cultivating loving, legendary relationships.
With love,
– Brendon Burchard
Author, Life’s Golden Ticket
ps. Love begins with connecting. Connect with your loved ones today. Find a lover if you don’t have one. Just spread the energy of love everywhere you go. We need more beacons out there.
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